The One Thing We Always Wanted – Part Three

29 Nov

In honor of National Adoption Awareness Month, our guest blogger Richelle shares the moving story of her experience with the adoption process, and how she finally became a mom.  Here is Part Three of her three-part story.  Click here for Part Two.

I was positive we weren’t going to get to bring home this perfect baby who already had my heart in her impossibly tiny hands.  Nausea swept over me as I realized there was no way Kelly* was going to be able to sign all those papers, and I didn’t blame her one bit.

Two and a half hours had now passed.  My mother-in-law and best friend, who were there for moral support, decided to “slip out and pick up some lunch.”  Bless them.  As soon as they left, I was able to crumple into a ball on Russell’s lap, heaving sobs and all.  (Yes, there was lots of crying that weekend.)

My rock of a husband never once wavered, saying it was all going to turn out fine and he didn’t doubt for a minute that our baby girl would be going home with us.  This kind of persistent optimism from him is often perplexing, and sometimes enraging to a glass-half-empty girl like myself.  But it’s one of the many reasons I love him and even if he was lying right then, I needed to hear it.

No less than five minutes later, Kelly and Paola came off the elevator.  No one said a word.  Kelly came up to me and we just held each other, sobbing.  I had no idea what this meant.  Was she crying because she couldn’t go through with it or because she did?

We just stood there in the middle of the hospital hallway, two mothers who loved the same baby.  It took about five minutes for us to compose ourselves before she finally said, “I had no idea it was going to be this hard.”  She went on to explain she had been able to stay very detached during her pregnancy, but after the birth it was a different story.

During the signing, she kept asking Paola to remind her why she was giving Dahlia to us–she had forgotten all the practical reasons, since all her emotions were telling her to keep her baby.  Paola didn’t coerce, just calmly went down the list of all the reasons Kelly had previously told her she couldn’t take care of a baby at that point in her life.

Kelly told us if she had had any other caseworker and if she had chosen any other adoptive parents, she would be going home with Dahlia.

Words failed me as I tried to tell her how grateful we were.  She was giving us the one thing we have always wanted–a child.  I could swear at that moment that angels were singing and Kelly was ensconced in an ethereal glow.  I still see her that way.

Because of her, I get to be a mother to the most spectacular little girl in the world, and she will always be a saint to Russell and me for that.

*name changed

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